Post by Django The Bastard on Dec 1, 2006 14:37:24 GMT -5
Hey fellers...I was thinkin' yer's truly The Bastard might post a few reviews of some o' the pulpy pics from my ever growin' collection of genre type DVD's that may be of interest to the types o' lowlifes who love the same over the top mayhem as I do...
Now as ya can imagine ol' Django likes his movies like his paperbacks...bloody, bad, and none too gentle...B-rates...hell...gimme the Z rates! Ya want a review o' The English Patient yer barkin' up the wrong totem pole with me, pards...
First up...Five For Hell!!!
I love friggin' Spaghetti Westerns, surreal, bloody, and historically inaccurate as all hell...I eat 'em up like...well...spaghetti!
But a lot o' other genres of movies came outta Europe in those heady days...including the oft forgotten these days "Euro War" flick...comin' out by the dozens following the global success o' The Dirty Dozen n' Where Eagles Dare these bastard cousins of the spag western often feature a lot o' the same actors, incomprehensible plots, over the top violence and black humor as their better known counterparts...
Just the way I like 'em!
Five For Hell is one I had been lookin' fer fer a while based on some good word o' mouth I had gotten on it and it didn't disappoint!
The storyline is pretty basic and straightforward and at an action packed 90 or so minutes, the action never lets up. Spag western legend Gianni Garko (best known as the first, and best, actor to portray the legendary gunslinger Sartana) stars as Lt. Hamilton, an American commando.
Hamilton assembles a crack team of four other commandos, all with special skills ranging from acrobatics to safecrackin'...
In typical Euro exploitation fashion, when it comes to pickin' a sniper for the team he inexplicably picks the worst shot, a weasly little fella nicknamed "Chicken"!
N' don't let me forget Hamilton's own special skill...he's a great softball player! Does this make for a good skill fer a commando...? Watch...you bet yer ass it does!
The boys go thru some tough ass trainin' and are given their mission...infiltrate behind Nazi lines and steal the mysterious "Plan K", the key to defeatin' the Nazis in Italy...or Sicily...or wherever the hell they are...
Our heroes proceed to sneak past Nazi lines disguised as German soldiers, creating massive mayhem along the way even as they commit some bonehead mistakes like carryin' their American Tommy and Grease Guns...which o' course causes the "Krauts" (their term, not mine...) to recognize our hell raisers...meanwhile at SS headquarters our very hot Nazi babe double agent works on figurin' out a way to get the boys in HQ by distracting the truly evil SS officer Klaus Kinski...another legend...and an actor who can make the most of any part!
The boys make good use of their special skills along the way, including carryin' a compact trampoline for the acrobatic soldier...one great touch is a scene where, in a nice nod to his Sartana background, Hamilton quicks draws his Colt .45 pistol to gun down a goose stepper instead o' using his Thompson...a nice touch!
I ain't gonna give a way much as far as the simple plot goes, ya could probably figure it out yerself if ya have seen just about any classic 60's war film...but I'll tell ya this...this movie is just plain FUN...lots of violence, lots of dead Nazis, a hot babe, and typically great performances from Garko and Kinski...especially Kinski...everything a pulp fan could want!
Ya check this film out on any other movie review site on the web, they'll basically say this movie is shit...well this is the kinda kick ass shit The Bastard loves...bad dubbing, crappy transfer, night scenes so dark all ya can see are the boys incomprehensibly white t-shirts under their uniforms...not to mention bolt action guns that fire without workin' the bolt and yer usual low budget type mistakes...(I will say one thing, despite the aforementioned bolt, this Euro War entry has some of the best weaponry and uniforms as far as accuracy goes for these types o' films...unlike some like The Last Panzer where the American troops all carried anachronistic H & K G3 assualt rifles!)
All in all a great way to...uh...kill...an hour n' a half! Maybe instead o' remakin' the seminal Euro War flick Inglorious Bastards Tarantino oughtta remake this one!
Best line..."They won't call me Chicken anymore!"
A FULL 5 outta 5 machine guns!
Now as ya can imagine ol' Django likes his movies like his paperbacks...bloody, bad, and none too gentle...B-rates...hell...gimme the Z rates! Ya want a review o' The English Patient yer barkin' up the wrong totem pole with me, pards...
First up...Five For Hell!!!
I love friggin' Spaghetti Westerns, surreal, bloody, and historically inaccurate as all hell...I eat 'em up like...well...spaghetti!
But a lot o' other genres of movies came outta Europe in those heady days...including the oft forgotten these days "Euro War" flick...comin' out by the dozens following the global success o' The Dirty Dozen n' Where Eagles Dare these bastard cousins of the spag western often feature a lot o' the same actors, incomprehensible plots, over the top violence and black humor as their better known counterparts...
Just the way I like 'em!
Five For Hell is one I had been lookin' fer fer a while based on some good word o' mouth I had gotten on it and it didn't disappoint!
The storyline is pretty basic and straightforward and at an action packed 90 or so minutes, the action never lets up. Spag western legend Gianni Garko (best known as the first, and best, actor to portray the legendary gunslinger Sartana) stars as Lt. Hamilton, an American commando.
Hamilton assembles a crack team of four other commandos, all with special skills ranging from acrobatics to safecrackin'...
In typical Euro exploitation fashion, when it comes to pickin' a sniper for the team he inexplicably picks the worst shot, a weasly little fella nicknamed "Chicken"!
N' don't let me forget Hamilton's own special skill...he's a great softball player! Does this make for a good skill fer a commando...? Watch...you bet yer ass it does!
The boys go thru some tough ass trainin' and are given their mission...infiltrate behind Nazi lines and steal the mysterious "Plan K", the key to defeatin' the Nazis in Italy...or Sicily...or wherever the hell they are...
Our heroes proceed to sneak past Nazi lines disguised as German soldiers, creating massive mayhem along the way even as they commit some bonehead mistakes like carryin' their American Tommy and Grease Guns...which o' course causes the "Krauts" (their term, not mine...) to recognize our hell raisers...meanwhile at SS headquarters our very hot Nazi babe double agent works on figurin' out a way to get the boys in HQ by distracting the truly evil SS officer Klaus Kinski...another legend...and an actor who can make the most of any part!
The boys make good use of their special skills along the way, including carryin' a compact trampoline for the acrobatic soldier...one great touch is a scene where, in a nice nod to his Sartana background, Hamilton quicks draws his Colt .45 pistol to gun down a goose stepper instead o' using his Thompson...a nice touch!
I ain't gonna give a way much as far as the simple plot goes, ya could probably figure it out yerself if ya have seen just about any classic 60's war film...but I'll tell ya this...this movie is just plain FUN...lots of violence, lots of dead Nazis, a hot babe, and typically great performances from Garko and Kinski...especially Kinski...everything a pulp fan could want!
Ya check this film out on any other movie review site on the web, they'll basically say this movie is shit...well this is the kinda kick ass shit The Bastard loves...bad dubbing, crappy transfer, night scenes so dark all ya can see are the boys incomprehensibly white t-shirts under their uniforms...not to mention bolt action guns that fire without workin' the bolt and yer usual low budget type mistakes...(I will say one thing, despite the aforementioned bolt, this Euro War entry has some of the best weaponry and uniforms as far as accuracy goes for these types o' films...unlike some like The Last Panzer where the American troops all carried anachronistic H & K G3 assualt rifles!)
All in all a great way to...uh...kill...an hour n' a half! Maybe instead o' remakin' the seminal Euro War flick Inglorious Bastards Tarantino oughtta remake this one!
Best line..."They won't call me Chicken anymore!"
A FULL 5 outta 5 machine guns!
